


I Don’t Think This is Going to Work

by eating_custardinbed



Category: IT Crowd
Genre: Drunken Confessions, Fluff, M/M, Setting Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:14:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25931962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eating_custardinbed/pseuds/eating_custardinbed
Summary: “Look, Moss, nearly every woman in this building would happily shove you in any supply closet they could find and rail you until you were begging for mercy,” he said. Moss’ eyes widened, and he looked away, biting his lip. “Can’t you at least give this one a try?”Or, Roy tries to set Moss up with a girl in the building and some unexpected things occur
Relationships: Maurice Moss/Roy Trenneman
Kudos: 38
Collections: Rare Male Slash Exchange 2020





	I Don’t Think This is Going to Work

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Big_bunbun](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Big_bunbun/gifts).



> This has been swirling around my head all morning, so I gave into temptation and wrote it. I really hope you enjoy it!!

Empty wine boxes lay strewn across the basement floor. The woman sat across from him, leaning forward, trying to get closer. He leaned away as best he could. _Stare out the window_ , he thought, _she’ll realise soon._

“We both know this isn’t really about that stupid website,” she purred. He closed his eyes, taking a shaky breath. This couldn’t be happening. Not again. He had to tell her. 

This was all Roy’s fault. 

**_Three days earlier: Tuesday_ **

“Bloody hell, did you see the arse on that one!?” 

Moss furrowed his brow, giving Roy a disapproving look. He hated it when Roy talked like this. 

They were sitting on an old rotting picnic bench in the newly-built courtyard at Reynholm Industries. It was a sweet place, all open plan and green and pretty. There was even a little balcony area in case it rained. Unfortunately, this cover had a glass roof and was right below Douglas’ office, so Moss suspected that it had been made for reasons other than generosity. 

Roy was loving it. All of the women at the company adored the outdoor space, and were constantly roaming around it. For the last week and a half, every lunchtime without fail Moss had been dragged from the nice warm basement to sit outside on a very often damp and not too sturdy picnic bench. 

“You  _ have  _ a girlfriend,” he reminded his best friend for the third time that day. Roy rolled his eyes at him. 

“Just because you have a car, it doesn’t mean you can’t admire other models,” he said. Moss gave him a confused look. 

“But you don’t have a car, Roy. You can’t drive.” 

“It was a…” Roy huffed, folding his arms over his chest. “Never mind.” He fell quiet again, turning to look back over the courtyard. Moss shrugged, taking his sandwich from his lunchbox and taking a bite out of it. 

A moment later, Roy grabbed his arm. Moss looked at him, and Roy pointed to a woman. She was sitting by herself, perched on the edge of the fountain, talking into her mobile. Moss guessed she was pretty.

“Yeah?” Moss asked, swallowing his bite of sandwich. Roy laughed almost incredulously, pointing at her again with even more vigour. 

“Well, what about her?” he said. Moss gave him a perplexed look. “Why don’t you go and ask her out?” 

Moss huffed. Not this again. Ever since Roy had got with this girl from the eighth floor a month ago, he had been trying to set Moss up with somebody. 

“I told you, Roy, I don’t need a girlfriend,” he said. Roy rolled his eyes. 

“Look, Moss, nearly every woman in this building would happily shove you in any supply closet they could find and rail you until you were begging for mercy,” he said. Moss’ eyes widened, and he looked away, biting his lip. “Can’t you at least give this one a try?” 

“But I don’t  _ want  _ to,” he complained, his voice into a tad whiny. 

“You do,” Roy said firmly. He turned away, looking out over the courtyard. “You don’t know it yet, but you do.” 

Moss knew quite firmly that he  _ didn’t,  _ but he was too tired to argue. He shrugged, huffing as he put his sandwich down. Suddenly he wasn’t really hungry. 

“Alright,” he sighed. 

Roy’s face split into a huge grin, and he threw his arm around Moss’ shoulders. He shook him a little, looking over to the girl and turning Moss towards her. 

“Let me handle this,” the Irishman said. “I know her. She’s one of Kelly’s little gal pals.” 

“What’s her name?” 

“Lindsey. I’ll get Kelly to give her your number.” 

Moss nodded, and tried to immediately forget about the whole thing.

***

Unfortunately, forgetting about it became impossible when, later that night as he was watching television alone in his room, his phone pinged with a message from an unfamiliar number. 

He sighed heavily, leaning over and grabbing his phone from his bedside table. He hardly read the message. It was rather long, but Moss got what he needed out of it. She seemed very interested in him. Well, more accurately, she seemed very interested in his coding skills. She wanted a website doing. He  _ supposed  _ he could help her out a bit. It wouldn’t hurt, would it? No. He sent her a quick message back, telling her he would help her. 

Before long, she texted back. She wanted to meet for coffee the next day. He huffed, staring at his phone for a moment. Well, it wouldn’t be  _ that  _ bad, would it? He sent her a text back, saying that he would. 

Then he threw his phone across the room, and refused to look at it for the rest of the night. 

**_Wednesday_ **

“So?” Roy asked as soon as Moss walked into the office. Moss gave him a strange look as he shrugged his backpack off. “Did she text you?” 

“Yeah, she did,” Moss said. “We’re meeting for coffee later.” 

Roy’s face split into a huge grin and he came forward, pulling Moss into a one-armed hug. Moss froze, letting it happen. After a moment Roy moved away, going back to his desk. Before Moss could even get to his desk and sit down, Jen poked her head out of her office. 

“What are you two talking about?” she asked. 

“Moss has got a  _ date _ ,” Roy said, barely able to keep the smile off his face. He wiggled his eyebrows. Jen turned to Moss, a smile on her face. 

“Aw, Moss, that’s great!” she exclaimed. Moss shrugged a little as he clicked around on his computer a little.

“It’s not a date,” he muttered. “I’m just going to help her out with a website and that’s it.” 

“It’s Lindsey, from the eight floor?” Roy said to Jen, giving her a particular look. Jen made a noise. 

“Oh, she’s very pretty, isn’t she?” she said. Moss looked up at the two of them. 

“Look, I already told Roy, I  _ don’t  _ want a girlfriend,” he said heatedly. “I’m helping her and that is it, okay?” 

“Okay,” the two of them said in unison, but Moss didn’t miss the look between. 

For the rest of the morning, Roy and Jen kept glancing over at him, giving him silly looks. He did his best to ignore them, messing around on his computer. When lunchtime rolled around, and he was supposed to be meeting this girl, he tried to get up and leave without a fuss. He’d nearly made it out of the door when: 

“Make sure you use protection!” 

Roy barely dodged the scarily accurate ball that was thrown at his head. 

***

The “date” went… fine. Nothing to write home about, really. Moss felt incredibly uncomfortable throughout the entire thing, and was rather surprised when Lindsey told him that she wanted to see him again. They agreed to meet on Friday night, in the basement. 

As soon as Moss got back, Roy and Jen leapt forward towards him, asking him a bajillion questions. He shrugged a little, moving past them and escaping into the kitchenette. Thank God they didn’t follow him there. 

For the rest of the day, he ignored them and their pestering questions. 

**_Thursday_ **

When he walked into the office this morning, Jen was nowhere to be seen. 

It was only him and Roy in the office. This hadn’t happened for a long time now, and Moss was almost glad of it. At least, he was until Roy opened his mouth. 

“So Kelly told me you and Lindsey are seeing each other again tomorrow night,” he said. Moss looked away from him as he sat down at his desk. 

“What about it?” he murmured. Roy sighed, getting up and coming over to stand by Moss’ desk. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, sounding a little hurt. 

“I didn’t think it was that big a deal,” Moss replied, not looking up from his computer. Roy put his hand over the screen, forcing Moss to look up at him. 

“Moss, you haven’t had a date for Lord knows how long,” he said. Moss looked over to the side, folding his arms over his chest. “This is a big thing, okay?” 

Moss opened his mouth to protest that it wasn’t a date, just a meeting up of two people, but then thought better of it. He nodded, looking up at Roy. 

“Okay!” he said with a small smile. Roy nodded, making Moss get up and leading him to the sofa. They sat next to each other. 

“So are you gonna have sex with her?” Roy asked. 

“Eurgh!” Moss exclaimed before he could stop himself. He gave Roy a horrified look. “No! Why would-- no!” 

“Alright, alright,” Roy said with a small chuckle, holding up his hands in surrender. “I was just askin’, geez!” 

“Sorry,” Moss mumbled. 

“It’s alright. What are you going to do, then?” 

“I don’t know,” Moss said nervously. “Help her with this website?” 

“Moss, you do realise that she is going to expect more than that, right?” Roy said. Moss shook his head, confused. Roy chuckled a little, shaking his head. “You’ve got to get some wine or something. Bring her in. Show her that you’re more than meets the eye.” 

“And has that ever worked for you?” 

Roy paused. 

“Well no, but…” he trailed off, sighing frustratedly. “It’ll work for you.” 

Moss nodded, but he didn’t feel too sure. 

**_Friday_ **

Lindsey arrived down in the basement at seven o’clock sharp. Roy and Jen had been  _ “preparing” _ him all day, giving him supposed tips and tricks about how to woo this girl. Some of them had been helpful, he supposed. Just one problem. 

He didn’t  _ want  _ to woo this girl. 

She was lovely, she really was, but he just had no interest in her. None at all. He was hoping that after tonight, he would just help her with this stupid website and that would be the end of it. 

He was pacing up and down when she arrived. She knocked gently on the door, snapping him too. 

“Hi!” she exclaimed, reaching forward and pulling him into a quick hug. Moss let it happen. “How are you?” 

“Okay, thank you,” Moss replied a little awkwardly. He led her over to the sofa, showing her where to sit. He sat down next to her, grabbing his laptop. “So…” 

“Oh, forget the website,” Lindsey said, pushing the laptop gently away. She reached into her bag, pulling out a box of wine. She slammed it down next to the one on the table. “Let’s drink!” 

So drink they did. They drank a  _ lot _ . Moss, who wasn’t used to drinking that much alcohol at one time, was completely sloshed. He was sitting on the sofa, rocking back and forth a little. 

Empty wine boxes lay strewn across the basement floor. The woman sat across from him, leaning forward, trying to get closer. He leaned away as best he could.  _ Stare out the window _ , he thought,  _ she’ll realise soon.  _

“We both know this isn’t really about that stupid website,” she purred. He closed his eyes, taking a shaky breath. This couldn’t be happening. Not again. He had to tell her. 

This was all Roy’s fault.

If Roy had never given her his number, if Roy hadn’t bought the wine, if Roy hadn’t encouraged all of this! He turned to Lindsey, shaking his head. 

“I can’t!” he blurted. Lindsey backed up a little. 

“What? Why?” 

“Because I’m gay and I’m in love with my best friend!” 

Shit. He’d said it out loud. He was never supposed to have said it out loud. His eyes widened and he tried to move away, but Lindsey caught his arm. 

“Roy? You’re in love with Roy?” she asked. Moss nodded miserably. Her face split into a grin. “Oh my God! Come with me!” 

She dragged him up, out of the basement, out of the building. She drunkenly hailed a cab, telling the driver to drive to Roy’s. Moss gave her a look. 

“Where are we going?” he asked stupidly. 

“You’re going to go and tell your stupid best friend that you love him!” 

Was he now? Moss nodded blindly, but he didn’t feel too sure. Before he knew it, they were at Roy’s apartment. Lindsey shoved him out of the cab before following him. She knocked on the door sloppily before giving Moss a thumbs up and disappearing. 

“Moss?” Roy said once he opened the door. This snapped Moss to attention. He stumbled forward, pointing at Roy and jabbing him in the chest. 

“I wanna talk to you!” he shouted, his voice slurred. 

“O-o-okay, you’re drunk,” Roy said with a chuckle. 

“Shut up!” Moss yelled. Roy did so obligingly. “I don’t care if you’re not gay, but I love you! I love your stupid butt and Lindsey said I had to tell you, so here I am! Telling you I love you!” 

Moss had been half-expecting Roy to turn him away. Instead, Roy’s hands were on his cheeks, and all of a sudden Roy was kissing him. It was the greatest thing… well, ever. 

“I love you too,” Roy whispered, breaking away from him. 

“What about your--” 

“Shut up.” 

They kissed again, and this time nothing else mattered. 

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you enjoyed this!! Please leave comments and kudos if you can, they make my heart soar!! 
> 
> Stay safe and happy, y’all xx


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